It’s a frustrating and confusing thing when someone micromanages you. It feels like they don’t trust you, like they doubt your identity, character, and capacity, like they don’t see or respect you. That can be enough to stir up powerful feelings — and if it’s happen before, deep trauma.

Here’s some tips for talking to a leader who might be micromanaging you:

1. Understand micromanagement before you talk to them. They may actually trust you or they may not. Either way, micromanagement comes from the leader feeling they need to assert control. This could be that you are actually under-performing and the leader doesn’t know how to support your growth. Try to honestly evaluate yourself and ask peers for insight. Or it could be the leader feels pressure or irritation around performance and results that is causing them to over-assert themselves.
2. Understand the Kingdom end-game. At the end of Jesus’ leadership, he said: “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 ESV. This presents the healthy continuum of Kingdom leadership. The POINT is to get everyone to being friends with us and Jesus and God by helping them know everything the Father is doing in their sphere of influence. But it’s a continuum: Jesus started calling them servants, but they’ve grown into friends. This means we should expect to be directed before we understand what the Father is doing, but it’s every Christ-like leader’s goal that his follower would become friends who are completely God directed in their conduct. REMEMBER: the Father is doing things even outside religious circles, and his will applies even to secular leaders and mundane activities. This kind of leadership is not just Kingdom-principle: it’s common sense. A team where everyone knows the mission and what to do is stronger, but people have to grow into that reality.
3. Keep the leader the leader. While it’s tempting to solve micromanagement with a power struggle and “asserting your truth” by raising opposition — this is neither biblical nor effective. The Bible is clear that even worldly authorities are in their position because of God (even for judgement) and opposing them often means you’re opposing everyone’s Boss. If you beat your leader back, you’re likely to make the feelings behind their micromanagement worse and you may hinder their capacity to lead the whole team. Micromanagement is a team problem with team consequences and you should view the leader as the rightful person to take responsibility for it.
4. Show the leader the consequences. Use “I” statements to describe the impact of micromanagement on you and your work. “I feel discouraged and confused since this happened. It’s been hard for me to take initiative or know if my input or ideas are a contribution or a distraction.” (Avoid even “we” statements like “we all feel…” which may make the leader feel ganged-up on.) If deadlines or other metrics of performance are impacted, share that information by saying, “I’m concerned about…”
5. Ask what the big goals and direction are. Emphasize you want to be a team player and it helps to know the mission and direction even if the decision doesn’t lie with you. This “moves you around the table” to be on the leaders side of things and keeps the issue as something both of you want to solve. If the leader doesn’t want to say, they may have deeper issues to deal with and bigger team consequences are coming down the road.
6. Ask for a plan to grow into the goal and direction. This gives the leader a chance to lead in the best way — by empowering the team. It also helps them deal with the consequences as a joint problem to solve rather than an inter-personal conflict to avoid. If they say you don’t have the capacity or authority, ask what pathway could get you there. If they say you shouldn’t want to get there, politely say you’ll continue to focus on your job — but you need to consider whether God wants you to stay on a team with no room for growth.